Keeping It Classy

Drill On Me, Hit On You

I've always found my dentist to be attractive.  In fact, that's why my former coworker referred me to him when I started working in the city six years ago.  He has these amazing blue eyes you immediately get lost in and forget that your mouth is being poked and prodded.  And to make dentist visits even more complicated, he and I grew up in the same town and have very similar interests like running away together...oops, I mean, traveling.

Every six months, I have the pleasure of staring into his eyes coupled with the difficulty of trying not to move my mouth while answering his questions and laughing at his jokes.  In my mind, I look just as good while trying to pull off this impossible feat as he does with his blue eyes and face mask.  

But of course, I knew nothing would ever come of my dentist crush since he undoubtedly had a girlfriend.  Plus he is not aware of my fascination, nor would he ever be because I'm a lady!  Well at least he wasn't until a recent visit....

After Hottie McDentist finished cleaning my teeth he mentioned an upcoming vacation he was taking.  I naturally asked if he was taking his finance.  He replies, "I'm not engaged!" with a shocked look on his face.  I gracefully apologized and asked, "Oh sorry, your girlfriend then?"  Nope, wrong!  Apparently he is single and says, "I work too hard and spend too much time at the office to meet women."  While this was an obvious plug for his practice and clearly the moment when I'm supposed to smile and shut up, for some reason I decide continue.  "Well, you can meet people here."  His reply, "No, no that would be inappropriate!"

I immediately realized the damage I had just done.  Not only did I just stick my foot in my mouth, but my dream dentist had just outright denied me after I unintentionally hit on him.  It was over for us.  There was no chance we would ever run away together and no way in hell I could continue this crush after being crushed.  The rest was a pure blackout.  I finally came to while riding ten floors down in the elevator of shame and immediately dialed 1-800-DENTIST.   

Dressing in the Dark Much?

So I know hot pants are apparently in style right now, which I completely disagree with.  They look good on about -2% of the population.  They are basically thicker underwear and since when were underwear okay to wear in public?  Didn't we all learn our lesson from the Seinfeld episode with the woman in the bra top?

There is only one possible scenario in which hot pants in public can be a good idea...when you choose them over wearing NO pants.  Why a young lady (if you can even call her that) walking in South of Market felt it was okay to wear only a button down shirt, a vest and ankle boots is beyond me.  Did she dress in the dark and forget her pants?  Is she in the midst of an extreme laundry day?  Is she dreaming that she went to work naked while sleep walking?

All of these questions running through my head come to a sudden halt when I notice this young "lady" look to her right to check herself out in the store window as she's passing by.  So now instead of questions, a million thoughts are running through my head.  Wow, you actually know you aren't wearing any pants.  Yes, we can all see the dimples in the sides of your legs which should be covered up by PANTS.  

So I've decided after work today I will be visiting the mall to buy that girl some hot pants.